She-Locks

Unlikely to have sex

Now this may seem like an old fashioned idea but remember the days when women were clean and pretty to look at. shit has changed y’al. This girl is in the early stage of becoming a swampy, a vegan, someone who listens to the Cranberries even now.

As if often the way I am not showing the face of this young hobo wannabe, she still has time to change but what I will say is there was a small sprouting of whiskers, like a younger version of Worzil Gummage. As she wondered the aisles of the supermarket i did the only thing that a concerned and regularly cleaned member of society would do…. I dropped three different types of shampoo in her basket… and a nit comb.

Length : 7/10

Thickness: 3/10

Smell: 3/10

Ugly: 8/9

Flouro dread fear

Dreaded flouro

So…… where to start? This chap was seen in Berlin in the dead of winter, maybe the dreads keep his head warm, fair enough. What confuses me is if you can not be arsed to cut your hair, wash your hair or style you hair… or if you do not mind stinking to high heaven. Then why on earth would you bother to bleach one blonde.

Further from the dread which look like they could reach your ass if unfurled and almost definitely work as a contraceptive of one form…. there is the green hyper colour sweat. The front view was no better i am afraid to report, a ferret style beard and dull eyes. The eyes more than likely down to the fact he smokes a whole load of weed.

Length : 7/10

Thickness: 6/10

Smell: 7/10

Ugly: 5/9

Undecided Dread

When a white person shows a lack of conviction with their shaggy main it can be viewed in only one way. Pusssssaaaay. If you are going to do it then be brave and bold, don’t make half measures

This guy had a bit of a rock demigod from Austria feel to him, I assume his name is Ralf. Now Ralf has not quite developed the full dread, he is in that mid-stage where he can not make the commitment which leaves him rather in no mans land, not accepted by the grebes, not excited by polite society. What a stinky limbo to find one’s self in.

Length : 4/10

Thickness: 3/10

Smell: 3/10

Ugly: 9.9

Half way to Hell

/10

Dreadlocks + Beardlocks = nasty

Like Samson’s pubes

So I’ll set the scene, you are just boarding a flight home after a weekend of sex drugs and techno in Berlin, you have had to run through customs because some old person decides to faint during the metal detectors, a child is throwing up nearby and then this happens. You are sat in a queue behind this monstrosity.

So you can see the thickness, the length is apparent by how he has managed to tie them up but what this picture does not show is the mini beard dreads. FFS what woman or man would want to kiss that? In the olden days they would have whipped this crusty into shape, maybe put him to work in the sunshine to melt and then decide the dreads were not for him.

Mingsgusting

Length : 9.9/10

Thickness: 9/10

Smell: 6/10

Ugly: 6/10

Dreaded undercut

Halfcut greebo

50% skatey, 50% street, 100% white 73% dreadlocked. He could have been hot, the facia had nice cheek bones and eyes that you know has seen a thing or two. Dutty bwoy in a wrong but good way. I fear that this guys chances of bumping uglies have been severely hampered by the pineapple styled abomination atop his bonce.

Spotted in Netil Market, he is clearly good with his hands as he mends bicycles for a living, I didn’t have the gumption to intercept and chop his wayward hair back but maybe this is the kind of ‘care in the community’ act we should be looking to do as good members of society?

Length : 6/10

Thickness: 4.5/10

Smell: 4/10

Ugly: 5/10

Dready bandanna

greebo… pixelated

Ignore the sturdy birdy in front, I am not getting in to that now. For the time being we are concentrating on the chap in the blue shirt. WPDL is torn readers, is the guy trying to hide his monstrosity of an alf or does he think that by adding a bandanna that he is upping his level of cool and bringing him closer to his darker skinned brethren’s? Let’s assume he is a retard dork.

So this is a good three year plus growth and the discolouring leads me to believe that he has spent a large amount of time in a squat in Bristol avoiding soap and polite society and probably any chance of bumping uglies.

Length : 7/10

Thickness: 5/10

Smell: 6.5/10

Ugly: 9/10

Dreaded wedding attire

Dread smart

This was shared by MissVF from a recent wedding she attended. It is not often you see a whitey with dread in a suit, usually they are too stoned on weed or high on MeowMeow so this was a rare spot. A front on view was not forthcoming.

While WPDL does not approve of these dready abominations infiltrating the wider world, it was interesting to learn that he was able to use a knife and fork albeit held in a neanderthal fashion

Length : 7/10

Thickness: 6/10

Smell: 6/10

Ugly: 6/10